I want to be a Harmonicist

By Willy B.

A friend of a friend asked me for my opinion about Harmonica and I gave it to him:

Harmonica?

The best way to learn harmonica is to keep screwing with it by playing really basic stuff like Mary Had A Little Lamb and then Row, Row, Row your boat and The Marine's Hymn and then Christmas songs (at least that's how I did it): the most important thing at this point is to learn how to isolate a single note while putting the harp as far into your mouth as possible. I know this sounds really stupid but you'll get it. The songs you try to learn should be ones that you are really familiar with that stay in the same key. Modern songs with bridges that switch key are going to be impossible for you to do at first because harmonicas are set in a particular key. I know it sounds stupid; but, you have to keep doing Mary Had A Little Lamb and nursery songs like that for a while until you just instinctively know where to play a note just like you know how to whistle a note. Get that little piece of paper that came with the harmonica, the one with a couple of songs on it and throw that MF in the trash as soon as possible. Once you get a little closer to knowing your harp, I'll teach you how to bend a note and then how to improvise with a twelve bar blues pattern. It's not really that hard if you have some musical inclination and it's veritably impossible if you don't. If you can whistle in tune, I can teach you to sound pretty good. I had a buddy who couldn’t sing worth a s#!t and I got him to be a pretty good Harp player. Learn the intro riffs to "Piano Man" and "Heart of Gold" and "Love Me Do" and "What I like About You". Don't even mess with John Popper (Blues Traveler)

Buy a good quality Harp, my favorite is the Hohner (pronounce ho'-ner) Special 20. Marine Band is OK but it's got a wood comb so it's more susceptible to moisture damage and wear and tear. Hohner Blues harp is good but they are too fat for my mouth. The Lee Oscar is nice but fat and I just never really got to like them that much. There are others but I just happen to like the Special 20 and it's inexpensive too which I'll never understand 'cause it's a better harp than most of those "Blues" harps. I've tried them all and I hate the Hohner Pro Harp because it's painted and it sticks to my lips when I get going on a crazy riff. Some guys like that though. I grew up in an age when babies were dying from chewing on leaded paint chips they found in the windowsill, so it gives me a bad vibe. Eventually you will need a harp in every key (12 in all) and if you get really good you'll get a chromatic which is completely different than the one you're probably holding and will take you another couple of years to get good at. Music theory will help you with a Chromatic where as Diatonic is better for feel players.

Other things you must know when embarking upon a career in blues harmonica are the alternate names for this instrument like:

Harp
Blues Harp
Mouth Harp
Hand Reed
Mississippi Saxophone
Pocket Sax
Tin Sandwich
Ten-Holed Tin-can Tongue Twister
Come up with your own, it's fun and it'll make you sound like you know what you're doing.

You have to start incorporating backwater vernacular into your regular speech like,

"Yo dog, I'm gonna set a spell and blow my harp a stretch." Or...
"Hey Butter-bars, get outta my way while I masticulate on my tin sandwich."  Or even:
"Yo Skipper! C'mere and dig this riff I just cut on my Special 20! It's got the eyes of a diamond and it rolls south like a delta bayou! Can you dig it?"

(The use of advanced vocabulary words is acceptable but only if you mispronounce them or use them incorrectly in a genuine attempt to make them sound more lyrical. IE "Masticulate" as opposed to "Masticate" This is essential to fitting in with other blues players.  Straight up, orotund speech will get you nowhere unless it has a rhythm to it.)

Sometimes you may need some accompaniment, which is a great time to learn how to authentically say, "Hey Gunny, where's your strat? I need some Jam time with some master backup. Keep it in F, 12 bar structure, will ya? I only brought my Bb Harp."
If you've got real balls, you might say, "Hey Corporal, teach me Cross Harp!"
Be careful when dealing with enlisted musicians though, you may want to keep quiet and listen for a while before you start asking questions. If you come at them too strong without some Major skills to back it up, they'll probably make fun of you and say, "Hey college boy, can you teach me how to play Mary Had A Little Lamb on that thing?" Gain their respect musically first by listening.

After you've jammed a time or two you may get a feel for that distorted sound and you may be tempted to invest in a genuine (pronounced gin-you-whine) Harmonica Microphone. I recommend the Shure "Green Bullet" but everybody has different tastes. There are Astatics, Black Cats, Silver bullets, Hohner (Which is the same as the Astatic) and a host of condenser microphones which you will eventually have to buy and try. As a first Amplifier I recommend a Pignose but you can go ballzout and pick up a tube amp like an old Fender or Marshall stack. The Pignose is a hell of a lot easier to carry around, it's about the size of a football; it looks kind of like a square football and you can run it on six AA batteries if necessary.

There are a few techniques you'll have to learn such as cross harp and tonguing; and, although they sound a little questionable they're really quite simple and for the most part, heterosexual endeavors.

It will take you a couple of months until you instinctively know where the notes are. A great place and time to learn this is while deployed somewhere REALLY BORING like in Iraq. That's where I learned most of my stuff, Iraq, Bosnia and sitting on the Theodore Roosevelt for eight months.

Once you think you are a real badass on the harp; then, we'll let you listen to Blackfoot's "Train Train" and some John Popper. They are really flashy and fast and I personally don’t dig them much but for technical precision and time they are pretty damn incredible, not to mention contemporary, which is always a plus in case you'd like to meet them. "Alive" is probably the next best thing to "contemporary." Dead, makes it really difficult for them to mentor you but sometimes you can pull this off if you happen to run into a particularly gifted Louisiana shaman with a "yen" for blues musicians. This practice falls under the category of Voodoo.  Speaking of Voodoo, which probably deserves its own chapter in anything concerning blues, you should note that there are a few terms for it as well and should you be listening to a blues performance and hear the word "Mojo," be aware that they are talking of the same thing. See also: "Wanga" Dolls, Jinx, Hex, "Santa Ria" or "Santeria"

After you've mastered that and you think you are a bad ass again, then we have you listen to the Harmonicats. Maybe I'll even introduce you to one who's about 90 years old and still can beat the crap out of me on a Chromatic harmonica which we haven’t even discussed yet.

Socrates was a blues musician: when you really think you have a humble understanding of how excellent but yet how poorly you actually play, you may have enough humility and understanding to listen to a fella by the name of Little Walter. You have to be really f'ing good before you even listen to this guy to get what he's doing; however, I must warn you that this can, in some rare cases, bring on severe metanoia. You'll find yourself getting out of the Corps, putting on an old black suit & Hat and walking across the country for a year, just sitting in for scraps and wondering if you'll ever be able to wail like L'il Walter on a diatonic C.

Should you choose to dedicate your existence to blues or Jazz music, you may consider going to Louisiana and getting yourself some "Mojo" which can be applied to the hand, mouth, tongue, fingers, eyes, nose, ears, genitalia or maybe a combination of these to give you special mystical powers in the field of your choosing.  For poor Jazz and Blues Musicians, this usually involves making a rather restrictive and exclusive contract with one of the major representatives of the spiritual underworld and isn’t recommended for the average whiteboy. Your local musician's union will most likely not be able to get you out of this contract no matter how unfair it may seem.  The American Federation of Musicians has had some luck in this endeavor; however, Lucifer still hasn’t joined the AFM or AFTRA at the time of this printing and isn’t expected to in this millennia.  For further information, please send all inquiries to the crossroads. For those of you with a more proactive bent, you can go down to the crossroads in person and wait until a representative from the spiritual underworld arrives to offer you assistance with your Mojo transaction.  The exact location of the crossroads is unknown; however, popular local opinion asserts that if you look long and hard enough, you'll find it.

Before you drop everything and do that, you're going to have to get yourself a real blues name. Somebody has to give it to you. You can’t just come up with one.  You may be able to negotiate a particularly excellent Blues Name in your Mojo Transaction but I think it's much better to have one before you get to the crossroads.  If you need one in the interim, use the name of your first pet and your mother's maiden name, mine was Midnight Patrone so it worked out and I still use it from time to time but my real blues name is Willy B. You'll get handed a moniker sooner or later, especially with a name like Lt. Mike McCoy, and then they'll be calling you Mac Light or Big Mac or Mickey Mac or Coy Mickey or something like that. You've got to be careful though, because the wrong moniker can ruin a Blues career quicker than a winning lottery ticket. That's why nobody ever heard of Candy Ass Charles and the Minuettes. On the other hand, the right moniker can launch a blues career faster than a pair of poppy seed encrusted incisors at the Miss America Pageant. Maybe I'll run into you in a few years in some truck stop and we'll be shuffling between semis looking for the late-night lounge ladies with a slice of apple pie ala mode and in between bites you'll glare at me and say, "You bastard. It's all your fault. If it weren't for you, I'd have stuck with the clarinet."

then again, maybe you won't need the Mojo Transaction and you'll be living large in the lap of luxury...

Either way, each song you learn is like taking a baby step, and it all starts with Mary Had A Little Lamb...

Here's where you can find some good prices for your harps. It's fine to go buy a harp or two in the retail stores but it gets pretty damn expensive if you start buying a whole set of harps so check this place out. It's been a while since I actually had to pay for a harmonica but when I used to, this is where I got 'em http://www.harpdepot.com/

David Patrone
Midnight Productions Entertainment
Providing the best Live Jazz, Blues and Classical Entertainers in San Diego Special Events, Weddings, Corporate Functions, Fundraisers
(877) 728-7663
info@midnightproductions.info
www.midnightproductions.info